The Silcock Family Newsletter

November 2011

Hello--

This year has gone by so quickly. I can't believe how behind I am on updating the web site. I was surprised how many people have e-mailed me over the year about the lack of updates. I guess I am surprised how many people look at our site as a way to catch-up with the family. I need to force myself to work on it a little each week. It seems like I am always at doctor appointments, school meetings and chauffeuring the boys around to their various activities. While I have a lot of paid help, I have found myself needing to do more and more of the running around as a means to save some money. I do hope to have an update on the web site for every boy before the end of the year.

During 2011 four new boys joined our family. Ian (8), originally adopted from Moldova, came to us from the state of Washington. Ian was adopted as a toddler along with his biological twin brothers. The original family soon became overwhelmed with the boys' developmental and behavioral challenges. Ian's first adoptive family felt like he should be placed with a family who could provide more supervision and support for Ian. Samuel (12) and Joseph (10) are brothers, through adoption, originally from Kazakhstan. They were adopted as toddlers by a family from Michigan. Again the family felt overwhelmed by the boys learning and behavioral challenges. Despite the mom and dad trying hard to parent the boys, the task became overwhelming and not healthy for the rest of the family. Finally Veno (6) is joining our family tomorrow. He and his sister were originally adopted from Haiti in 2010 by a family in Northern California. Unfortunately, after almost two years the family discovered that it wasn't healthy for the two children to be raised together. Sadly for those first adoptive families, and for us to some extent, there are very few resources and affordable services to help heal these very hurt children.

During 2011 we had four adoptions finalized. Ian's adoption was finalized in the state of Washington; Stephen adoption took place in Los Angeles (two days before his 18th birthday!); finally Dmitri and Cody (formally Andre) were finalized in Orange County. In addition to these four adoptions I was able to take guardianship of six of the guys. Guardianship gives me immediate legal status while we wait for their adoptions to take place. I hope to transfer my guardianship status to adoptive mom for Alvin (16), Samuel (12), Rishi (11), Joseph (10), Veno (6) and Greyson (6) during 2012.
As my family gets bigger, I am noticing that most of my new boys are coming from other adoptive families. It seems like more and more special needs and international adoptions are dissolving due to issues not usually predicted by the first adoptive family. Each of the 17 children who have come to me through a dissolved adoption have their own heartbreaking story of abuse, abandonment and/or neglect. Most have come from other countries although not all. These children were initially adopted into typical families. The first adoptive families adopted these children with the best of intentions. They had hoped through love and the consistency of a permanent family that these children could assimilate and function well within their families, schools and in the community. Sadly that was not the case. By the time these children officially joined my family, their first families have usually exhausted their resources and drained their finances trying to help their child. These families anguish over their decision to dissolve the adoptions. Often there are no other options to keep the rest of their family safe and healthy. Its a sad situation and there is no easy resolution. I wish there were more support for these adoptive families but there is literally nothing available especially for challenging children who were adopted internationally. Despite the fact that I love parenting these difficult children, I also have no magic answers either. I have no hidden resources or special training. With the re-adoption or guardianship of internationally adopted children there is no behavioral support, no special funds, no financial incentives, no medical insurance, basically nothing to help these children work through their issues. When I decided to dedicate myself to helping these children become the best that they could become, I never realized the extent my life would be changed. I know am lucky to be the mom of some very charming and amazing children. I am proud of their various achievements both big and small. I love watching them grow and discover the world around them. My heart is happy every day as I see my boys grow more and more independent and self-confident. Everything is not perfect, however; I am also stressed out every single day trying to stretch my financial resources. I often wonder if I can make my house payments each month or whether my vehicles will hold out another week. Although I am contacted at least weekly by desperate families, I am afraid I am to the point where I will have to turn away new children. I wish that wasn't the case, but I with 60 children, a third of whom come without any financial or medical support, I have drained all of my resources now as well.

I have a dream that maybe one day someone, with financial means, will notice the good work we are doing and sponsor our family in some way. I would love to serve more children who really need a family like ours. While I recognize that this type of sponsorship will likely not happen, its always nice to wish...

Ann